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Parenting in the NICU

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Leaving the NICU

Grief & Loss

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Grief and Loss

If it becomes clear that your baby will not survive, you will probably want to make decisions about how you and your baby will spend your remaining time together.

Saying Goodbye
Tell your medical team what you want. You can ask to hold and caress your baby free of tubes and lines. You may want his or her last minutes or hours to be spent peacefully in your arms. You may want to hold your baby skin-to-skin or at your breast. You may want other family members or friends to be with you in your baby’s last moments. Some families choose to create lasting memories of this time with photographs.

These desires to protect and be close to your baby reflect your profound relationship with this child. Remember that, always and forever, you will hold this baby in your heart.

How the NICU Staff Can Help
The medical staff and social workers of the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) can help you in planning for your baby’s death and in making funeral preparations. Ask for support and assistance with coping with your grief.

Online Support from the March of Dimes
Pregnancy & Newborn Loss on the March of Dimes Web site has more specific information on how to cope with this painful time.

For the Couple
Grieving Is a Process
Men and Women Grieve Differently
Going Through Grieving

Dealing with Others
Remembering Your Baby
When You're Ready to Try Again

For Friends and Family
What Do I Say?
The Double Sorrow of the Grandparents

Bereavement Materials
The March of Dimes has a limited number of bereavement materials available at no charge for parents or other family members in the United States who have experienced the loss of a baby between conception and the first month of life. The materials include information available on the March of Dimes Web site, plus additional resources. They are available in English and Spanish. Click here to order a free copy.

Resources
Centering Corporation
Books and resources on coping with loss for all ages, (402) 553-1200

Center for Loss in Multiple Births
Support for those who have lost a baby or babies in a multiple birth, (907) 222-5321.

The Compassionate Friends
Bereavement support group and counseling for families who have lost a child. Local chapters, (630) 990-0010.

Lost Lullaby, by Deborah Golden Alecson (University of California Press, 1995).

Loving and Letting Go: For Bereaved Parents Who Turned Away from Aggressive Medical Intervention for Their Critically Ill Newborn, by Deborah L. Davis (Centering, 1993).

RTS (Resolve Through Sharing)
Bereavement support group for families who have experienced loss through ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage, stillbirth or newborn death. Staff training. Local chapters.

Twinless Twins
Support and resources for those who have lost a twin and for their families. Regional contacts. (888) 205-8962.


Excerpted from the March of Dimes booklet, "Parent: You & Your Baby in the NICU", written in collaboration with Deborah L. Davis, Ph.D., and Mara Tesler Stein, Psy.D., authors of "Parenting Your Premature Baby and Child: The Emotional Journey".
 
     
March of Dimes Share. An online community serving NICU families. Share your story and meet other NICU families.
Banding Together
Information specialists at the March of Dimes help answer your questions by e-mail and online chat.

Pregnancy & Newborn Loss
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