Fundamental 2: Respect yourself; respect others.

2) Respect yourself; respect others. Do not stretch yourself too thin. Define and maintain your boundaries. Look for the best in others; listen to their opinions and perspectives.

Consumers become involved in program and policy work because of their passion to make things better for themselves, their children and families, and for other consumers. Often their determination to improve services knows no limits and they agree to take on any challenge. At times, however, their single-mindedness can be exhausting. And for some, the very qualities that make them effective — their drive and empathy for others — threatens to overwhelm them.

Part of becoming a more seasoned advocate lies in understanding the power of setting limits — on yourself and on others who demand so much of you. None of us can be all things to all people and still maintain our effectiveness. Consumers have so much to contribute, but not if they are over-extended. We must all identify our boundaries, set limits on ourselves, and trust our colleagues (other consumers and professionals) to do their share of the work. This is a huge challenge for consumers because there is often a tremendous sense of urgency about their work. It can be immensely difficult to say to oneself — "slow down." It is a skill that takes time to develop, but it is essential for effectiveness.

For Example...
Eric, a young man with HIV, works in the evening and occasionally on weekends as a volunteer outreach worker for the county HIV program. He works in communities where the incidence of HIV is very high, encouraging people to get tested. Over time Eric becomes a familiar presence in the neighborhood. He drives people to testing sites, accompanies them when they receive their test results, and helps connect them to medical care when necessary. When Eric learns that someone in the community is in particular need, he visits their home, often bringing food or other necessities. Eric always gives his home phone number to people he befriends in the community and encourages them to call him at any time.

After several years of doing outreach work, Eric is hired as the full-time community liaison by the HIV program to make presentations to organizations in the community about the needs of people affected by HIV. He also develops and delivers training to non-profit and religious groups involved in delivering HIV-related services and is his agency's representative on the Ryan White Planning Council. In addition, Eric facilitates three support groups each week.

Even though Eric is no longer doing outreach work, people in the community continue to call him for support. He cares deeply about them, but finds he is overwhelmed trying to manage his new job and be involved to the same degree in the community. He is comfortable to talk with people during the day from his office, but has decided he can no longer take calls in the evening at his home. He is comfortable setting that limit, but hopes to enlist the help of the new community outreach worker in handling the nighttime calls.

Eric arranges a meeting with the new community worker, Angela. Angela is a social worker and has had previous outreach experience as part of a teen pregnancy prevention program. Unlike Eric, however, Angela does not believe she should release her home phone number to clients in the community. This is a belief that was reinforced in social work school. Angela reminds Eric that there is 24-hour coverage at the HIV hotline if any of her clients has a true emergency. The hotline staff will call her if she is needed.

Angela's approach is different from Eric's but, while it is not his style, he respects her decision. It was deeply important to Eric to be available on a full-time basis when he was building relationships with people in the community. And he believes that his availability contributed to his success in getting people tested and into care. But Eric has also learned that there are different approaches to achieving the same end. And after talking it through with Angela, he is satisfied that the needs and safety of the people in the community are being met. People who want to continue to talk with him can reach him during the day, outreach efforts in the community will continue, and, in the face of a true emergency, there are supportive resources in place.

Consumers who are passionate about the issues and who care deeply about helping others can be powerful and effective advocates. Such devotion, however, can make it immensely challenging to set limits on oneself. In fact, establishing limits may even make some people feel guilty. But boundaries are necessary for long-term mental and physical health. Without them we will burn out. Each person may define her boundaries differently — and the boundaries may change over time. But it is essential to maintain some degree of safe zone between the demands of others and replenishment for ourselves.