It’s important to remember your baby in ways that are special to you. Depending on when your baby died, you may not have had the chance to see, touch or hold him. You may not have even named him. There are things you can do, though, to help you remember your baby:
Collect things that remind you of your baby.
These might be ultrasound pictures, footprints, a hospital bracelet, photos, clothes, blankets or toys. Put them in a special box or scrapbook.
Do or make something special to remember your baby. You may want to:
- Light a candle on special days and holidays.
- Say a prayer.
- Write a poem.
- Paint a picture.
- Plant a tree or a small garden.
- Have a piece of jewelry made, perhaps with the baby’s birthstone.
- Donate to a charity or give something to a needy child who is about the same age as your baby would be.
- Get involved in a special project dedicated to your baby. For example, raise money to build a swing set in a park in your baby’s name. Or volunteer for a local charity.
Have a service to honor your baby.
This can be a memorial service, funeral or saying Kaddish (the Jewish prayer for the dead). It can be at your home or at your place of worship. It can be with just a few people or with all your friends and family. It may include burying your baby or spreading his ashes in a special place. A service can give you a chance to say a special goodbye to your baby. And it gives you a time to share your sorrow with family and friends.
Have a special time to remember.
Pick a date that’s meaningful to you — your baby’s birthday or the day he died. Do something on your own, or bring family and friends together to remember your baby.
“It’s been nearly two years since
my baby died. Almost every
day I think about the little boy I lost.
He has a special place in my heart.
I am a different person because of
him, even though I don’t have
him here with me now.”
August 2008
