Loss and grief

• Losing a baby is one of the most painful experiences.
• Your grief may feel overwhelming, but help is available.
• Learn how to deal with your partner, family and friends.

If it becomes clear that your baby's NICU journey seems to be turning away from home, you will need to make decisions about how you and your baby will spend your remaining time together. Tell your medical team what you want. You can ask to hold and caress your little one free of tubes and lines. You may want his or her last minutes or hours to be spent peacefully in your arms. You may want to hold your baby skin-to-skin or at your breast. You may want other family members or friends to be with you in your baby's last moments. These desires to protect and be close to your baby are a reflection of your profound relationship with this child.

These desires to protect and be close to your baby reflect your profound relationship with this child. Remember that, always and forever, you will hold this baby in your heart.

How the NICU staff can help
The medical staff and social workers can help you plan for your baby's death and make funeral preparations. Ask for support and assistance with coping with your grief. Remember that always and forever, you will hold this baby in your heart.

Talking with other parents
Join the discussion group "Families Who Have Lost a Baby" in the March of Dimes online community Share Your Story.

More online resources from the March of Dimes
The March of Dimes Web site has more specific information on how to cope with this painful time.

Bereavement Materials
The March of Dimes has a limited number of bereavement materials available at no charge for parents or other family members in the United States who have experienced the loss of a baby between conception and the first month of life. The materials include information available on the March of Dimes Web site, plus additional resources. They are available in English and Spanish. Order our resources for grieving families, including the booklet From Hurt to Healing.

Other resources
Centering Corporation
Books and resources on coping with loss for all ages

The Compassionate Friends
Bereavement support group and counseling for families who have lost a child. Local chapters, (877) 969-0010.

Lost Lullaby, by Deborah Golden Alecson (University of California Press, 1995)

Loving and Letting Go: For Bereaved Parents Who Turned Away from Aggressive Medical Intervention for Their Critically Ill Newborn, by Deborah L. Davis (Centering, 1993)

Twinless Twins
Support and resources for those who have lost a twin and for their families. (888) 205-8962.

August 2009

Excerpted from the March of Dimes booklet, Parent: You & Your Baby in the NICU, written in collaboration with Deborah L. Davis, Ph.D. and Mara Tesler Stein, Psy.D., authors of Parenting Your Premature Baby and Child: The Emotional Journey